I hate the moment my anger turns into tears.

I was going to blog about my diet and some tweaks I've made and what an impact that has had... and I will do that but first I have to get something off my chest.

I'm 40.  
I am very aware that 40 is not old.  I'm also very aware that although it sounds really neat, age isn't just a number.  If that were the case you would treat a 20 year old walking into the gym for the first time and a 70 year walking into the gym for the first time exactly the same.  If that were the case, professional athletes would be 45 and it would make no difference.  If age were just a number, it wouldn't matter if you were 85 and you fell down. Your hip would be just as strong as a 20 year olds.

Now I certainly don't think I'm falling apart but I DO think there are differences between me and say.... a 25 year old man who is crossfitting in the gym at the same time that I am.

I actually like to think I'm pretty young for my age.  I *like* to think I am healthier and in better shape than a lot of 40 year olds that I know.  In the summer of 2010 I was hit by a truck (literally) and was out of work for months and had to 'make a comeback' at the gym.  In the middle of that comeback, I ripped my labrum and had to have SLAP tear surgery.  So although I *like* to think I'm so much heartier than everyone else, the reality is I've had 2 major set backs in less than 12 months.

I work a pretty demanding job and it's a job I worked for years to hope to get.  I travel a lot. I have to plan ahead, be disciplined.  I am divorced and so whenever I am home I have my daughter.  It's a one woman show and I'm proud that I am able to fit in workouts so I can be the best I can be at all those things.

When I was rear ended by the truck and was going through that recovery, I thought nobody could possibly understand unless they too had been hit by a truck or been in some type of auto accident.  It was truly one of the most painful things that's ever happened to me.  When I had shoulder surgery in April, I didn't have nearly the ongoing pain, but I never anticipated how mentally taxing having  complete lack of use of my one arm for 6 weeks.  Try, right now, to go to the bathroom, get a glass of water, imagine doing your hair.... what else..shower, drive a car.... with one hand.  It was horrible. I had to rely on other people for what seemed like everything and after living such a life of independence this was a complete mental breakdown for me.

I vlog about my recovery on youtube.  I have had thousands of hits on the videos and many messages from people about to have the surgery or who just had it.  At the hospital, the nurse said she hoped I was mentally ready because she thought shoulder surgery was the worst to recover from.  People would walk up to me where I was wearing my sling and tell me their shoulder surgery story- most would say something like ".. it's been 10 months and it's no where near normal".   My physical therapist told me all about the horrible things that could happen if I retore- something that would most likely happen in weeks 10-16 if I didn't slow down.  You are starting to feel better, yet you are not better.
 'Don't go back to CrossFit' she would say... 'Although people like you keep me in business.'
People like me?
'Yes... 40 somethings that try to compete with the younger ones... heavy weight.. being timed.. it's job security!'
All the other therapists smiled and nodded in agreement.  Not to me... I wasn't going to let it happen to me.   I was finally on the upswing!

I went back to Crossfit at around 10 weeks, just like they said I was starting to feel better, and within a few classes I realized I was not ready.  I came home slightly defeated but decided I was going to build my own program and build myself up at home until I was ready to go back to the gym.
I have my personal training certificate, after all. I taught fitness classes for years.  Competed in fitness competitions, ran a marathon!  I can do this!

I did my training, stayed the course and after another 5 weeks I went back to crossfit.  I quickly realized I needed modifications for most everything.   I was weak and I was PETRIFIED.  I'm going to say that again because I don't know if anyone around me, other than my boyfriend, understood.  I was petrified.  Every box jump was jarring and I was afraid I would slip up and fall down.  Every time I ran the pressure felt like my shoulder was going to break off my body. Every time I had to ask 'what should I do' in front of the class I felt like a quitter.  Like I was wussing out. It was physically taxing but it was mentally taxing as well.  I met with a trainer who graciously helped me come up with modifications so I wouldn't have to constantly ask 'what about me, coach!'.  I know it's hard for people in the class to stop and to constantly hear me ask.

The reality was, I was desperately trying to gain control of my own health.  To be in control of what was happening to me instead of being pushed by peer pressure to do what everyone else was doing.  This was very very difficult for me.

I've had 2 major major set backs over the past 18 months.  And I'm 40.  I don't want to go to the Crossfit games and I don't even give one flying fuck about doing a work out prescribed. Been there, done that.   I am a busy busy working single mom and I want to go in and do my work out, get some activity, work towards a healthy life, have fun and be safe.

Today, I was in the gym and the workout was one I really didn't feel comfortable with.
     Overhead squats (overhead with the weight plus my arm still can not extend straight up)
     Front squats (I'm actually good with those)
     Back squats (this puts your shoulder in an extended position and holding even the weight of the bar is difficult.  That angle you have to put your arm at to hold the bar.... it's the exact thing that was fixed in my surgery.)
I asked about doing something alternative... now I'm a big girl and I can just leave if I'm not comfortable, right?   But soon everyone who was hesitant about the workout relented and did the posted workout and I didn't want to look like I was a wimp.  Even the coach said if we want to build our own workouts, we should just go to Golds Gym!  And 'can I really NOT do overhead squats or do I just not WANT to'.

 I can't. Not with weight.  But I did and with just a pvc pipe and I cried.  I'm not sure if it was anger or pain.  Anger at myself more than anything.  After going through so much and trying to take responsibility for my health, why was I putting it in someone else's hands?
It burned like a searing burn which I think was just breaking up of scar tissue.  Maybe that was good for me.  I've iced and done tens unit therapy and taken a pain pill.   I don't think I hurt anything seriously but I'll be sore. I'd like to think I've proved myself in the gym before.  I'm not a wimp. I go hard and I don't wuss out.  But I'm telling you, and you may think I'm exaggerating, that workout.... It will set me back in the most annoying of ways.  I won't be able to do my hair tomorrow.  It may be hard to get dressed.   I've proved myself before in that gym.  Why didn't I just say No? Or just leave.

And so I decided he was right.  I want to pick my own workouts and I want to be in control of what I do or don't do. I'm not 'Milking my injury' at No Excuses anymore.   I'm quitting the gym.  I love CrossFit- parts of it anyway.  I listen a lot to Robb Wolf and find it interesting what he has to say in terms of CrossFit- the association and certification and I think that doing it my way will be the best for me right now.

 I've ordered equipment and I will build a garage gym.  I'm actually excited about it, and perhaps I will pay as a guest from time to time and work out with my friends.  And any of my friends are welcome to come and work out with me!  I'll play the music loud and let you do whatever you want.  Even overhead squats.

-CFC
Reference:
It takes a YEAR to fully feel functional after SLAP Tear surgery:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SLAP_tear  : Stage four – completion. About a year after the repair you should be strong enough for a return to full activity.

It's not where you start... it's where you end up!

I'll be back to talk about my first months results on the paleo lock down but for now.....Look at my kid! She moved to a new private school this year and is having an awesome time! 

Here she is accepting her award for the Student of the Month! Go Olive Go!!

21 Days to Change your life

Change your life- 21 days. Download it here.  Print it off. Use it.  Change your life.

The greatest pleasure in life is doing things people say you could not do.

The gym is starting back with a 10 week fitness challenge on September 9th.  I really need something to focus on and a new goal, so I decided I would go ahead and sign up.  The challenge includes 2 sessions in the Bod Pod to get my body fat tested both before and after and a workout/eating log.  I've signed up for the bod pod the night of the 8th.  I dread it, since last time I had mine tested was last October and I had been working out and eating well - right after that was when I tore my shoulder and a few short months later, headed into surgery.

I have a few new challenges since the last paleo lock down last year.  This year, I am traveling every other week for the full week.  This can be both helpful or hurtful-  I can eat out every meal, which means I can be picky and order whatever I want to my specifications OR I can eat out and eat whatever I want...... I have to have a plan and be strong in my vision of what I want.  Also, I have time at the hotel each night or morning to workout - there is nobody to take to school or take care of.... on the other hand, I could sleep in or fail to workout at all because I have nobody to do it with.

So ... per usual.... I need a plan.
I've made a binder with everything I'll need to plan, track and motivate.

Here's where I got some information:
NUTRITION and TRACKING
www.MarksDailyApple.com
www.RobbWolf.com  - Sign up for the newsletters but there is also information to download a PALEO QUICK START GUIDE,  A PALEO SHOPPING LIST and A PALEO FOOD MATRIX.
All super good information.  I got a packet from my gym for the challenge, but I have used this form for food and workout tracking- simple but does the trick.
If you are looking for specifics on what to eat you can go to www.paleoplan.com - this is a great website that gives you weekly menus and all recipes in a simple format.  I found this last year and shared with my gym and they use it now for everyone to have access and it's great for new to paleo or people that need new ideas.

I also ordered a Crossfit Chick workout log - I thought this was small enough to bring with me to the gym but not electronic since I really like having this kind of stuff in a format I can write in - personal preference.  They have logs for boys too:)  and I think they are all really cute.

The other thing for me that's really helpful is having motivation with pictures, sayings and good music to listen to.  I use Pinterest to catalog ideas and some of the ones I save are workout pictures.  Stick them on your frig, in your workout binder, as the background on your phone- or just someplace where you can go and visit them to keep focused. 

I think it's super important to have an idea of what you want for an outcome- and this helps me focus on certain things.

Music is awesome and can keep you going.  I found using Spotify you can find some new music you may have never heard before that is awesome for working out.  If you need a free spotify invitation, email me and I'll send you an invite.  JOGFm is great too- it pulls the music from your iPhone/ipod and uses it to find music that matches the pace of your music.  

Here are some of my favorite workout songs:

All I do is win  - DJ Khaled

Songer- Kanye West

Riot- Three Days Grace

Remember the name - Fort minor ( I know.. but I love this song even if it's over done)

Bleed it out - Lincoln Park

Headstrong  - Trapt

HERO - Skillet

There are so many great songs out there - I'm building some lists on Spotify so you can follow me by going here. 

Once I get going, I am going to try and add in an IF - Intermittent Fast once per week.  Drink tons of water and try for 18  working up to 24 hours each Sunday.  I did some research on this and don't forget about asking for help via Twitter.  Anything I want more info on, I either search or put out a request with the hashtag #crossfit.  I find if I use the crossfit tag, I most always get several responses.  You can follow me @BecomingBetsy on Twitter.

So off I go. I'm going to try and post my workouts while I'm gone under the 'workout' tab.  I'm traveling this first week so it may be a challenge but I think it will help keep me on task. 

Work Hard!  Eat Clean!  Talk Dirty!

-CFPC!

Slap Tear Repair Recovery

I've updated my YouTube channel with the last of my updates - they are a little long... some of them really funny looking back early in the surgery and then the latest update with some ideas of things that may help you in your recovery.
Thanks for all the people who have emailed me and told me their story of recovery!

How standing back up felt like drowning in reverse....

..that was the day she made herself the promise to live more from intention and less from habit.

I went to Crossfit last week and hurt my shoulder again.  The thing about it is, I didn't injure it. It just hurt like hell and I ended up back on pain killers for two days.  'Engaging my shoulders' - even if I'm just holding a PVC pipe above my head- is too much. Doing back squats with a PVC pipe on by back instead of a bar = bad idea.  I can't 'hold' the bar in place.  It's still too much and for days following I am a achy mess.   And then I have to wait a week and start over again.

 I'm getting a little too good at making a comeback.  In fact, I'm tired of making a come back.  There is this thing about my life where I do really great if I have to super focus on something.  That something always does amazing and everything just stays mediocre.  I 'get' that everything can't be outstanding all the time, but I'd like things to be more consistent over all.  I want less up and down and more steady.  I've experienced 'steady' now in my life over this past year and I really like it!  It's good and warm and I'm not nervous.  Let's do more of that in other areas, I've decided.

So what does that mean?

Well... I think I want to do great in my job, which I love.  And I think I can do that while staying a great mother and a good partner to Craig.  I think I can be steady at being in shape but I'm okay putting those other things way first. I think putting my daughters fitness and balance is more important to me right now than seeing my abs are.   I think life is more of a marathon and I've exhausted myself doing sprints over and over again.

You know how at church they talk about resting on Sunday.  Taking that day off. Chikfila is closed on Sunday and they say it makes for better business the other days.  Better even than if they were open on Sundays.  They can work less days and do better.  I am thinking like that.

Can I be balanced and be more steady.  It's not a '30 day lock down' where all I do is work out and eat right.  It's more like a year where I eat better and focus on Olivia and consistently work out and do fun things with my friends and enjoy success at my job and at night, maybe I'm okay kicking back and not constantly being busy and doing a million projects.  Maybe I'm okay slowing down.  Maybe I'm on to something.

Have I been chasing something all this time or running away from something else? What would happen if I just slowed down?

I'd like a balanced life.

I'd like to allow myself to rest.  And I don't want to worry so much about getting older, which I find I often do.  I have to remind myself it's a privilege denied to many.

Balance.  Maybe I'll try yoga.   :)
-CFPC

Finding a new path to walk on will not only make you stronger, it will define your life.

I found this the other night when I was searching through old pictures on a recovered hard drive:

After this shoulder surgery I have gained a few pounds back and I can't really see my abs- so I'm back on the plan!  I'm actually posting because as I've talked with friends about their struggles with wanting to be healthy, I get the impression that they think it's just easy for me.  And to be honest, it may be easier for me than for some just because I've always liked being active, but I walk the walk.... and I wanted to show you here.

-CFPC

With Everything... there is a line.

Cross: (verb) 1.to move from one side to another 2. to passover mediocrity

I saw a video at a sales conference about making the decision to make changes and do extraordinary things. It talked about 'crossing the line' and making choices that support the life you really want to live. I think the idea is relevant in fitness and being healthy. It made the concept sound really simple -and I think it is - but I think you need tools to complete the mission.

The mission, if you chose to accept it, is to identify YOUR line and how you want to cross it.  (So Dramatic!)

I talked to a girlfriend earlier this week about fitness and stressors in life.  I think her concerns were so typical of all of ours., men or women.  We know what we want to do but the reality is our lives take over and by the time we slow down enough to remember our goals, we are over tired, over done or just completely out of time in the day.  Those of us with kids have the added pressure of taking care of someone else and there just ends up being no time to take care of ourselves.  I get up in the morning and have to get myself ready AND make sure someone else is ready, teeth brushed, nails cut, hair combed and ready to go!  It's exhausting.  

The idea behind the video was powerful. On one side of the line you stand.  You have stressors, a job, a relationship and kids.  On the other side of the line you can see the life you'd really love to have!  Supportive and fulfilling relationships, kids with schedules that actually get adhered to and time for yourself that doesn't only happen at 2am!   You look over the line and see all those people you admire- those you'd like to be more like or wish you had their focus. 

So what is it that stops us from crossing the line?  How can we stay focused on being who we really want to be?   

As my friend and I talked, I realize she actually had a good idea of the things that were holding her back but she couldn't see what the other side really looked like it.  She couldn't imagine what she wanted her life to really look like but she just knew she was not fully living the life she knew she could.   

Talking with her made me start thinking ....  How many of us really have a clear picture of what the perfect life looks like?  What does your perfect morning look like?  Your perfect job?  Your perfect health? Body?  Relationships?   We would never head out on a long road trip without a GPS or at the very least, a map.   So why do we go about our daily lives, knowing there are things we dislike, but not having a clear idea of what that perfect destination looks like?

There are two things that I do and both need to be 're-examined'. 

 *   I try and keep a clear picture of my perfect life.  I get a clear idea with all aspects - Job- Mother - Girlfriend - Crossfitchick  and then I  (as silly as it sounds) drill down and expand on each aspect.  So usually when I lay in bed, I think about a certain aspect - say work.  What my perfect day would be like.  What time I would wake up and be ready for work.  What my first morning 'thing' would be.  How I would feel.  What my surroundings would be like.  (I work from home- what's my perfect office look like?  I think it has a view of the ocean!)  and then I move through the day- how would customers greet me? How do I feel during the day? What is the vibe?    And I work my way through it and see how it would all shape up. 

  Be creative - it's the feeling you get that helps you zone in on how it would look.   Sometimes this is painful and even difficult to do.  But I believe that working through the full thought and developing a clear vision of what you WANT is important.  Get it clear in your head and then write it down.  If you are unhappy, you already have a clear vision of what you don't want. Get that out of the way.   Move your thoughts away from what you don't want and forcefully move it to what you do want.  

*The other thing I do is keep a list of items that 'shift my thoughts'.  I think this is a 'secret' tool - I think they call them 'secret shifters' if you are familiar with that but I've been doing this for years.  I have a list - both mental and physical - of things that make me happy!  The sound of my daughters belly laugh.  The way I feel when I finish a crossfit WOD.  The thought of my dog when she looks like she is 'smiling'.  The honey badger (if you don't know what this is, email me).   I use this list of things at times when I am trying to cross the line but am having trouble getting over it.

I think 'crossing the line' is something you have to work for every day until it becomes easier and easier to get there.    Because those times will come- the times when it will seem you can't cross the line no matter what you do (the kids won't go to bed, the line at the dry cleaner is too long and you need to just run through fast food to get back to work on time) and these are the times you will start getting overwhelmed.  This is when you need a clear vision of what you DO want and you need those shifters to immediately change our mood from frustrated to happy.   Being in a better frame of mind will help you see options to get over the line.   These hard times when you have to use the tools, serve as lessons making you bigger, badder and stronger than you were before!  At the time you won't see it that way.  You'll just see the line.  It may even look like a wall, but it's really just a line... and it's all up to you.

So my line to cross has been my shoulder issue.  Holy cow.  The surgery was 11 weeks ago.   Two weeks ago, I made the mistake of helping out too much with the yard work and my shoulder was REALLY sore for over a week.  At one point I panicked thinking I had re-injured myself... which I didn't.  When this happened - I lost it. Seriously- I lost it.  I have been careful of my eating, not in a diet kind of way, but in a 'I want to be healthy and wouldn't put that in my body' kind of way for years.  I ate crap with reckless abandon for 2 weeks.  I feel disgusting.  I had my 11 week check up today at the doctor and I'm fine. Everything is humming along just like it should.  I let something make that line look like a giant wall for me.  Tomorrow is a better day.  Back to No Excuses Crossfit (CAREFULLY) and moving back onto the side of the line I want to be on.  Crossing over to fitness.  CrossFit.

-CFPC

Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying 'I will try again tomorrow'.

I ran a marathon once.  It was a long time ago and during the time I was training, I ran 22 miles, 18 miles, 16 miles... lots of long distances regularly.  I liked it.  I had friends who ran and I looked forward to my long runs on Saturday mornings.  A group of us would all get together at a park in DC, where I lived, and start out together.  Then, my friend Lara and I would break off and run the whole way together.  She had a really steady beat, almost like a song, and I could run for hours with her and not even notice much time had gone by.

After I finished the marathon, I finished running.  I moved on to other things, as is typical with me, always up for new challenges and learning new things.  I got married and had a baby, got divorced and then started Crossfitting. Which has been my favorite exercise by far, over all my years of working out.  And if you've been following along, you know I had a slap tear repair and am now 8 weeks into recovery and I won't be cleared to crossfit for quite a while.  But I can run!  So I pulled out my old 'running motivation' and dusted it off to see if there is anything left there.

Since I love a good gadget and was in need of some super motivation, I looked into different running tracking options. The Garmin was a neat option - I had one back in the day but now they are so much better with heart rate monitoring and GPS combinations.  The Garmin 305 seems like a good option and I liked the fact that my friends (who are great runners) can send me workouts that they have used on their Garmins.  The price of $130 seemed cheap enough but I wasn't sure it would give me 'spunk' to keep running.

I also liked the idea of the Nike+, which is a little chip you put on your shoe and it syncs up with my iphone.  I downloaded the Nike+ GPS app - which was free for the Nike+ anniversary - and ordered my chip for $28.  This seemed like a better option for me since at this point, I'm not running any marathons.  My runs will probably max out at 5 or 6 miles and what I'm looking for is a distance tracker and some motivation.  The Nike+ syncs up with Facebook and when I start running, friends can 'Like' it and I hear cheers and a roaring crowd as I run along.  Really fun!  It tells me every time I hit 1/2 mile mark and so it keeps me moving along.  When you are getting sluggish or need a boost, you hit the 'power song' button and it gives you a great song off your ipod library so you can kick it into high gear.  Fun!

So, I got my chip and have run the past few days. I travel for work, and it's well over 100* around here, so I ran inside on the treadmill. My Nike+ had an treadmill option and it worked just fine.  After 2 days of running...... and of course doing abs and jumping air squats just because it's as close to crossfit as I can get...... I am SORE sore. After many months of not being able to work out, this was a real challenge. My miles were slow but I just kept plugging along and decided not to worry about being aerodynamic!  My goal is to get moving again and it felt GREAT to be sweating again!

I've been thinking about looking for a goal... a 5k to reach for.  Adam commented on my last post with a great website to find postings for races and I've seen a few other sites out there.  I think for now I'm going to run for me, with no pressure to do something in a big group.  The bit I have run has made my shoulder pretty sore and I am afraid of getting bumped around in a group... but later on I will be all over it!

I have certainly learned to celebrate the small victories over the past few months.  I think lots of people would have taken this opportunity to just stop working out all together..... hang it up and say I'm getting older. But I  know, from experience it is much easier to deal with the pain of discipline than it is the pain of regret.

So, in the end, it looks like I am a runner again...

-CFPRC  (CrossFit Paleo Running Chick)

Never work before breakfast; if you have to work before breakfast, eat your breakfast first. ~Josh Billings

I had some tweets about paleo and my favorite meal... I have a few but thought I would post them here.  Paleo isn't hard - one of my favorite things is Andys Rib Rub (ribrub.com) on ribs.  Tin foil it up over night and in the morning stick it in the crock pot.  WITH NOTHING - I swear they will be falling off the bone good by 3pm.  :)

A great place to go to get started on paleo is www.paleoplan.com. I am a member and this is where I got this meat loaf recipe that even my 9 year old loves:
Paleo Meat Loaf

1 1/2 lb. lean ground beef
1 cup almond milk
1/2 tsp dried sage
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp dry mustard
1/4 tsp fresh ground pepper
2 cloves minced garlic
1 small onion finely chopped
1/2 cup cabbage- chopped up (I buy it already chopped in the bag)
1/2 cup unsweetened BB Sauce (optional)

Oven at 350*
Combine everything except the BBQ sauce and mix it up.
Stick it in an ungreased loaf pan
Pour BBQ over the top
back for 1 to 1 1/4 hours or until internal temp is 160*

YUM!
See.. Paleo is easy! :)

Hope you like it @meagan_csc  ! :)

You decide every moment of every day who you are and what you believe in. You get a second chance every second.

I'm now 7 weeks out of shoulder surgery and feel really good. I don't yet have full range of motion in my arm (I'm not even close) but I am doing SO much better!   I am now able to have my arm out of the sling, can reach up and do my own hair (!) and have been cleared (drum roll please) to RUN!

Now... lets just recap how much I hate to run.  I've run many 10k's, a few 5k's and a marathon... a full 26.2 miles.  But I'm not really a big fan. I get bored and it hurts. I only ran that one back in '98 because it seemed like something most people never did and that appeals to me more than the actually running.

On a good day, I'd much rather crossfit and normally thinking about having a long run would make me want to punch myself in the face.  I remind myself that I am 7 weeks out from shoulder surgery and I have to do what I am allowed to do.  So now I find myself actually excited and feel like this may be the start to something really good for me.

Things to do to prepare:
-I need to get some new running shoes.  I normally crossfit in converse low tops and the running shoes I have are really old.  I remember from my marathon days, I loved Nike running shoes. They fit my feet best so for the sake of time, I think I'll jump online and have them overnighted.
-I need a plan.  So for now it's going to be based on time as opposed to distance. I doubt I can cover much ground just starting out again especially after 7 weeks of inactivity.  So I will go based on time.  3 times a week to start - at least 30 minutes
- Polar Heart Rate monitor.  I want to be able to judge my progress and I think HR may be a good way to do that. I already own a Polar F11 that does all kinds of fancy things - so I pulled that out, got new batteries and set it up.

What else?  Shoes and some motivation and I think thats what makes running a good option for people.  Oh- a goal!  There is a little 5k in a few weeks in town and I think I'll aim to do that for starters.

okay... here we go!  Please message me or comment if you have ideas or thoughts.  I'll gladly welcome any insight!

-CFC
Crossfitchick?  hum.... who do I want to be?  Maybe CrossFitRunningChick for now.  :)

PS- I've been focusing on staying in ketosis with my diet with great success. More on that next time- very interesting!

You Earn Your Body.

And your body keeps track, regardless of what you write down.
Week 4 of shoulder surgery recovery.  I haven't been able to work out in months.  I have strayed from my good diet.

I started looking through all these pictures that I've saved up that are awesome bodies and really inspiring.  You can see my saved up pictures here.  And then I thought... I'll never be super tall, I'll never be 25 again, I'll never be model beautiful.  But I can be the best 'me' that I can be.   This is me 2 summers ago. It feels like I'm far from this but I'm really not.  Maybe 5 pounds and just a little focus and I can be there again... and even better.

Lets see where I can be at 40.  Here we go!
-CFpC

I like people who smile when it's raining.

It's been almost 3 weeks now since my shoulder surgery and I'm feeling really good!  Frustrated and difficult to do regular things (like my hair!) but I notice there are times when my sling is off and I make a movement that would have caused me pain previously... now no pain.  :)

I moved for a few weeks into my boyfriends house so I would have helped while I healed up.  I can't begin to explain how generous and helpful he has been.  I've taken over the whole house with my rehab chair and my giant generator for my ice cuff.... my clothes and work stuff.... throw in my daughter and her crap and we are everywhere!  It's been 3 weeks and I'm beyond the time frame that someone can just hold out if they are being nice.  I feel beyond grateful and I hope someday I can repay the kindness.

Anytime I am slowed down for something (like surgery), or on a long car ride, I always end up thinking lots more about things.  It's part of what has helped me work through tough situations and part of what adds to my agony about tough situations!  These past few weeks are no different, except this time I feel this great 'lightness' about things. I realize that me thinking about things, was what was keeping those things in my life - good or bad!

I realize God doesn't give you the people in your life that you WANT but he does give you the people that you NEED.  He may not give you all the situations that you WANT but he gives you all the situations that you NEED.  I've seen both an old boyfriend and old girlfriend in passing these past few weeks, and a funny thing happened.  Although I was in the middle of 14 different things at the time I saw them,  when I had a chance to reflect, I felt more grateful that they came into my life.  I used to have a lot of anger and now... I really hope they are living a life they are proud of and they are happy.  This was a shift for me. And that was that.

I am going NUTS not able to work out. It's so much my nature to just be busy... I miss being able to do everything myself!  I've thought of a million different things I want to do and I'm getting antsy.   I'm also finding myself having a tough time sticking to an eating plan because I can't work out so it seems way too easy to eat crap that is horrible for fuel.   If I was crossfitting, I would be careful because I would know I would be punished in the WOD if I ate crap!  But now..... no punishment!   So I'm giving myself some time, heal up, do whatever my soul needs to do, and looking for my motivation for moving forward.

Speaking of goals - I've got a 40th birthday coming in a few weeks!  It's going to be an amazing year... I have so many ideas and things planned.  I was getting so upset about being in a sling on the actually birthday but now... I see it differently now.  It will be a year of celebrations, trips and new things.

My journey has molded me for my greater good,

and it was exactly what I needed it to be.

I don't think I've lost time.  It took each and every situation that 

I have encountered to bring me to the now and now is right. on. time.

-CFpC

Where's the vlog?

So this is a strange posting because I've always been really open on this blog and share the good and the bad.   I am a pretty open person and so that's what feels comfortable to me.

This slap tear surgery has been really emotional for me, and is probably one of the bigger struggles I'll face for a while, and when I started Vlogging, I did so with the intention of helping someone else who was about to go through this.  I had a lot of trouble finding information that was helpful to me when I was trying to get information on recovery, and so I wanted to provide that to someone else in the future.

Rather than post them here, if you want to find the videos and pass along to someone else, I thought it may be easier to pass along the Youtube channel instead.  http://www.youtube.com/user/noabadjujub?feature=mhum
Thanks!
CrossFitChick

slap tear repair- the trailer

Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.

Recovery... and since its too hard to type with my left hand, I decided to vlog instead.  Hopefully, someone who needs this information will stumble upon it and relax their nervous soul.
-CFPC
Please email me at betsy@crossfitchick.com and I will make sure you have access to the vlog on the repair recovery.

“For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else.”

It's almost hard for me to update the blog today because I feel so oddly emotional about it.   Over the past 12 months I have worked so hard on my crossfit goals, done a 90 day paleo lock down,  relearned to do unassisted pull ups after my car accident, gotten personal bests on deadlifts and bench press, did Fran RX for the first time!  So many  great things I was so proud of.  I had a list of goals of items I wanted to accomplish by my 40th birthday - a muscle up, 20 unbroken pull ups, a 5k in under 25 minutes!

And now, here I sit.   I've hurt my shoulder and it must be fixed.  I have a hard time doing very simple things, even handing Olivia an apple sends shooting pain in the middle of my shoulder. The doctor felt like it looked like my shoulder was separated as well, probably from the muscles trying to compensate for the injury, and my collarbone is injured and they will be removing a piece off the end.  Right now, it almost feels dislocated, it hurts so much and looks odd.  So I feel like I'm at a crossroads where I have no choice, now is a good time to have it done with my work schedule (if there is ever a good time) and I need to move forward.

It has been 2 months since I have been able to crossfit, but 6 months since I hurt myself and have been able to crossfit with any intensity.  I tried at first, but it was so painful, and now, as time moves forward it has become increasingly uncomfortable to do even basic things, like pull my pants off.  :)

When I stopped Crossfiting, I went to a Ketosis diet, just to try something new and see how my body reacted to it.  It went well, I lost about 8 pounds in the first few weeks but I didn't feel very good on it.  I had to increase my fat intake and I'm just not used to how that feels.  Mentally it was difficult at first but also it just didn't make me feel good.  I like getting my carbs from veggies and fruit only but  I enjoy the paleo diet much better, and so I'm going to head back that way.

This past week - between ketosis and paleo - has been complete faileo.  I had a really stressful end of the quarter at work and I just 'fed' my anxiety about it.  It is so unlike me, really, but I think my nerves have gotten the best of me with all the pending changes that are about to happen.

So, if you've been reading along with any regularity, you know I like to have a plan!  If I know what to do, I don't have to worry about what's coming. I understand what is in my control and what is not.

I have an after surgery plan- both for immediate care and then for physical training and working in crossfit (lower body) into the mix after a few weeks.  I will get back to my paleo ways and stay focused on the things I CAN CONTROL.   Leaving to Him the things that I can not.

I'm scared.

It's not like me all to be scared.  but I really am.  Honestly I think it's going to hurt like a bitch and the prescriptions I got from the doctor reinforce that hunch.  It's some strong stuff.

I think the thing that would make this better for me, would be if I could have found some information on the Internet about recovery.  More about personal experiences and feedback. Things that worked or didn't work and what to expect.  But I could find very very little.

So I am going to create it for the next person.   Especially a crossfitter who wants to know what to expect.  I am going to video tape my story and create a Vlog of sorts... keeping record of daily thoughts, recovery and ideas.

Heading into my 40th birthday, in a sling instead of in a one handed handstand.  I will be missing that chance, and I will be focusing on gaining something else.

Wish me luck.
-CrossfitChick

Some days are meant to be counted, others are meant to be weighed.

I've had my arthrogram MRI but not when I was supposed to.  Actually, I've spent more time than I expected in the hospital over the past few weeks. Sometimes, the day ends, and you realize you just witnessed one of those moments.  You know... one of 'those'.  When life could have changed utterly and completely.... but it didn't.

My MRI was scheduled for a Friday a few weeks ago but I couldn't go.  I was in Florida instead while my dad had surgery to clear a 95% blockage in his corotid artery.  The end of the story is that he is fine. Feeling good and back at life.  But knowing how things could have been different makes me realize just how lucky I am.  Not just to have a healthy father, but also to have access to such amazing health care for my dad, and for my shoulder too.

So back to my shoulder...I had my MRI, but it was a week later than originally planned. I got there early and met with a doctor who did the 'arthrogram' part.  I wasn't realizing what a procedure that was going to be, having gone to The Google for the Slap tear, I never thought to check the injection part of the MRI.
I laid on a table while a xray machine overhead showed the doctor where to put a giant needle into my shoulder joint.  Seems like most of these appointments lately involve a physican student. This one was no different.  Once the needle, acting more like a port really, was put into the middle of my joint, the student and doctor talked, pointed, and basically had a teaching moment while I laid there.  Awesome.  I coudln't even look at it.   They explained how they would pump this dye into my joint, causing it to expand and of course, give contrast, so they could see things better.  As soon as they said, 'This is going to feel uncomfortable'... I knew I should have checked The Google.  Oh well, they were right, uncomfortable is a nice way to describe it.
After that, I waited about 30 minutes for the dye to work its way around my joint and then headed into the MRI machine.   It wasn't long, maybe 20 minutes and then I headed home, circling back with the doctor a few days later for the results.

I know you are dying to know what the verdict is!
* SLAP Tear in my right shoulder
*Distal clavicle exasion
* S.A.D
What?   Basically they are going to drill some holes in my bone, add some anchors and put that SLAP tear back together and then saw off the the very end of my clavicle and remove the damaged part.  Yuk. 

I go in for surgery on April 8th and should be in and out within 2 hours.  Then home to recooperate.  I have a new Tens unit for pain and will be getting a special chair that will move my arm up and down for 3 weeks that I have to sit in for 5-6 hours a day.  Sounds amazing.

After all that, everyone asks about Crossfit and if it's worth it and if maybe I shouldn't go so hard.  I have to say, I believe that I probably WAS lifting too heavy but I fully believe this was an injury I got in the gym back when I was 22 years old and never had fixed.  The muscles held it together well enough when I was doing regular daily activity, but the added pressure of crossfit caused it to breakdown again. I don't think I was 'perfectly perfect' and Crossfit did this... and I don't believe crossfit is a bad idea. 
Look, here's the thing.  I love doing crossfit.  I love being active. I am about to turn FOURTY years old and I think, if you look at other folks with intact shoulders (or intact everything)... the rest of them isn't all that healthy.  So, I will fix the shoulder and I will be back to normal and you will think that I work out too hard. Meanwhile your body is breaking down in other ways.  We get older. Things happen.  I'm mildly defensive about it, I appologize. 

With everything that has been happening and with the pain associated with what is going on with my shoulder, I have not been going to crossfit.  It was really frustrating to always be modifing the WODS and really got boring because I felt like I was always doing air squats.  ugh.  I've been watching my diet like crazy, and have lost some weight but now I have 4 weeks until surgery, I need to start running or doing some kind of activity while I can.   I'm trying to decide how I'm going to do that.  It's getting warmer out so running and being outside will be a lot more doable and fun.

So....here we go...
-CFPC

It's the time between the 'Somethings' that make it worth while.

Yet another journey....    After modifing my WODs so they did not include anything with my right shoulder, icing forever, tried some active release therapy and finally not being able to sleep without pain, I decided to go to the doctor.  We took some xrays and have a athrogram MRI scheduled for later this week.  Looks like I have a possible SLAP tear in my right shoulder.  They can't confirm that until the MRI but all indications point to that.

A SLAP tear is an injury to a piece of shoulder cartilage called the labrum. This cartilage surrounds the shoulder socket, helping to keep it stable when you move.   Looks like I'll need surgery to repair it and from what I can tell from 'the google', I'll be in a sling for 6 weeks-ish. 

So the next step is Friday I'll have a Arthrogram MRI.  This is where they shoot dye into my right shoulder so they can get better contrast during the MRI. The shoulder is a complex joint, and this allows the doctors to pinpoint much better what needs to be fixed.

I suspect its from over use and maybe a bit of me trying to be so crossfit bad ass.  Kipping pullups seem to be a theme that comes up when I google 'crossfit SLAP tear'.

People say, 'it's always something' and I guess that's true but I actually think it's the time between the  'somethings' that makes life so fun.  If I didn't crossfit, I bet I wouldn't have this injury.  But think of how much I would have missed if I didn't crossfit?  My friends, my health (minus this!),  Craig, and possibily my sanity during some challenging times.  So... if I have to deal with this, and get better, then that's okay with me. 

In the future some things I'll do differently:  
*I won't wait so long to go to the doctor.  Some things you can fix on your own, but I think I knew from the beginning this wasn't one of them.
*I will work more on the METCON part of my WOD instead of lifting heavy.  Maybe I'm past the part of my life where I feel like I have to be able to bench press my body weight.... maybe lifting enough to build my bones and be healthy is more of a goal than a number. 

I was really comfortable with my doctor - Dr. Snehal Dalal in Lawrenceville.  He talked to me as if I understood what the issue was, how we may want to proceed in fixing it and what our next steps are.  I feel like I am really good at reading people and got a good vibe from the whole office. 

I'll update after the MRI reading and we'll see how we are going to proceed!  I'll be happy to be fixed up and pain free!

So.. what now?  I've run a marathon before... maybe I'll get back to running for a while and lay off the shoulder stuff.  :)


-CFPC

Somebody may beat me, but they are going to have to bleed to do it.

My goal last week during our annual sales meeting, was to stick to the paleo diet, eating no bread or deserts for the week. 
Let me describe the scene:   Mornings of full breakfast offered with amazing looking chocolate glazed donuts, pastries and french toast.   Morning snack table with sweets and sugary drinks ... big lunch with cheesy lasagnas and then afternoon spread of those big soft pretzels, a candy 'bar', more sugar......  it was amazing.  At dinner there were 4 or 5 deserts ... cheesecake, chocolate cake.  Wow.  I wish I'd taken a picture.

I ate none of it. 

I did drink a diet coke every day.  That was my saving grace.  But bringing along my protein drinks, paleo bars and almonds was perfect.   I was able to have bacon and scrambled eggs for breakfast.  They offered veggies and chicken most every other meal so I just stuck with those. It was good!

I really didn't feel like I had a problem with the diet at all... the soft pretzels made me think twice but I knew how I wanted to feel at the end of the week so with that in my pocket, it was simple to do the right thing for me.

On the other hand, I had a HUGE problem working out.  Our program went from 7:30 in the morning until sometimes 10pm at night.  It's just as important for your body to get rest, and I felt like my priority was work for this week, and so I stuck with the eating plan and cut myself a break.

This week, I am on the road in Alabama and I am paleo eating (with the same plan as last week since that worked for me) and I've already done some Crossfit tonight in the gym. I found it to be a good break after driving today and it was fun and easy to do in the fitness center! 

Mission Accomplished. 
oh... and remember that shoulder injury?  I have an appointment with an orthapedist next week.  :)  TCB Baby!

-CFPC

“All journeys have secret destinations of which the traveler is unaware.” – Martin Buber

So, I write this at 20,000 feet on an airplane bound for Washington DC. A few months ago, I got a new job, which I love, but one that brings me lots of different places in lots of different ways. One week I'm flying, the next I'm driving and in between I'm losing my focus on Crossfit and my paleo lifestyle.
I always hear people talk about how hard travel is on their diet, and I never doubted it, but because I have been so structured for so long, I mistakenly thought I was immune. I was not. So here I am, heading to DC for a week of meetings, but this time with a plan.

Lets back up just to say that although I've gotten off the path, I was smart enough to catch myself and to know that all I need is a plan. I feel better when I eat well and am getting regular exercise. But more than that, Crossfit and paleo has become kind of who I am... CrossfitChick! And so I found mostly, I was missing myself. I have fun doing Crossfit and pushing myself, and as much as I am grateful for this new opportunity, I don't want to lose myself in the process.
I fully believe to be a good mom, girlfriend, friend and co-worker, I need to be balanced and CrossFit helps me balance.

I indentified a few things that help me stay on track when I'm home:
* The workout plan - going to No Excuses every night is what I do, and they already have the plan prepared for me.
* Eating Paleo - I find it much easier to control my food when I am home or able to chose my restaurant (and pick a place that is paleo friendly)
* Community - most of my close friends live the Crossfit lifestyle, so although I am away from them, I need to find a way to get support while I'm traveling.
* Health- being strong and able to work out is important. I've had a shoulder injury that I let lag for too long and now it's screwing up my back and other arm. Plus I can't do all the WODS in the way I'm supposed to, everything has to be modified. When I modify, I don't feel part of the community, and I don't really feel much like the badass crossfitchick that I try to be. So- this needs to be fixed.


Today is my first day back on the plan which is the same day I am heading out of town. I decided to blog about my travels in hopes it would help me stay on track and who knows, maybe someone else with the same issues will find me and follow along and I can help them too.

I have armed myself with....
*Protein 'shots' to drink every morning. I have noticed on my other meetings that morning meals consist of mainly danishes and crap. I can't be hungry in the morning or I will go for those things. The ones I have I got at Costco and I can quickly chug it before I head downstairs, giving me 30gms protein right off the bat. I'm secretly hoping for eggs but just in case, I have these.
*Lara bars - these are great bars for snacks or breakfast. You can get them at Publix and I brought some to keep in my bag or have for breakfast if there are no other options. They are paleo friendly and gluten free.
* I have travel workouts all ready to go and I brought my own jump rope so I can do that in the room if all else fails. Travel WODS I found on No Excuses website but you can Google it and find them all over the place. I downloaded a tabata timer for my phone and my ipad. (free) My jump rope is super awesome and adjusted so it's the right length for me. There is a lot you get out of a jump rope workout or mix it in with other things.
*For nights when we go out to dinner, I downloaded 'Paleo gogo' app onto my ipad. This will give me a list of restaurants and ideas of what to eat that’s paleo. I really know what is paleo, but sometimes it’s tricky if there’s not a lot of paleo options and this helps show me some ways to be creative.
*Vitamins! I brought my vitamins and fish oil tabs for each day in little zip lock bags. No brainer - just keep them in my purse and have at lunch.
*Community - sometimes you need to just ask for what you need and so I'm going to reach out to my friends via text and facebook to be sure I'm staying on task. Crossfit friends are the best kind of friends and I can always count on them to lift me up when I need it. :) If you are reading.. I need you. Thank you. :)
*And finally- I have downloaded a list of doctors so I can call one when I land and make an appointment for when I am back home.

This week there will be no deserts at all and no bread as much as I can get away with it. I have a big bag of almonds in my bag in case I get hungry and all that is offered is cookies or crap.

I think this week will be amazing and I can leave this meeting at the end of the week feeling better than when I arrived!

Life is full of challenges... you just gotta have a plan.
-CFPC

I love this and wish more people 'got it'!

"All life is interrelated, that somehow we're caught in an inescapable network of mutuality tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly affects all indirectly. For some strange reason, I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be. You can never be what you ought to be until I am what I ought to be. This is the interrelated structure of reality." MLK Jr.

CrossFit SEALFit Intro

I am so going to do this. 1 week. Summer 2011.

The reason most people never reach their goals is that they don’t define them, or ever seriously consider them as believable or achievable. Winners can tell you where they are going, what they plan to do along the way, and who will be sharing the adventure with them.

WOW- 2011 already.... I'm doing just fine, always landing on my feet... somethings watching over me, like sweet serendiity.

I love this song for my motivation for 2011 :) More to come......

The great things in this life are not where we stand, but in what direction we are moving.

This week is the baseline workouts post Paleo challenge. Last week I had my body fat tested and I managed to lose 4% body fat. I still have a way to go to get to my goal, but I feel so much better, have a regular paleo eating habit and have ideas of what I want to do next.
I had a few goals going into the challenge- I wanted to do my workouts as RX, specifically I wanted to get back to doing unassisted pull ups. I wanted to see my abs and get off soda.
I haven't had a diet coke (or any soda) in months and it oddly doesn't bother me at all. I've been doing pull ups for a month or so now and most of my workouts are RX.
There are times I have to remind myself that I am 15 years older than most of the women I compare my times to at the gym and most of the RX weight is more than half my body weight. If I start feeling down about my speed or anything else, I try and put it in perspective and focus on doing MY best.

My first baseline:
Pre-challenge
500 M Row
40 Squats (butt to the ball!)
30 Butterfly Sit ups
20 Push ups (did on my knees)
10 Pull ups (red/blue band)
6:06

Now I can do all that without modifications but did the same way to compare times. I did in 4:58. That's 1:08 faster. And really it would have been faster if I didn't have to get my foot in the dang band to do pull ups. I almost fell on my back with my foot all wrapped up in the bands. Ridiculous!

Hugo is next..... More to come!

-CFPC


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

The key is to have a dream that inspires us to go beyond our limits!

Doubt yourself and you doubt everything you see. Judge yourself and you see judges everywhere. But if you listen to the sound of your own voice, you can rise above doubt and judgment. And you can see forever.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

...But I ain't got wings.

Remember always that you do not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.

The final countdown of the 3 month paleo challenge!

Pretty dang exciting! I'm getting my bodyfat tested again on Saturday. I've got high hopes but there is still a way to go until I am where I want to be. I've definitely seen changes - strength and body fat loss. I have abs again and my face has lost that chipmunk look I was sporting after the accident.
This is coach Ben and I my first day back:






And now I got some abs coming and the fat face is gone. Yeah! I hate the fat face. (below no fat face... Yes, That's the technical term for it)





This is a weird cropped pic but computer died.... Long story. Proof abs are coming....







I'm running another 5k Saturday with Christy- my Crossfit challenge partner. I've run a few during this challenge and although I still hate running, it's doable. Plus T-shirts make everything easier and I had some special ones made for this run! :)

I love my crossfit family and feel endlessly lucky for the life I have.
-CFPC





- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

The aim of life is to live, and to live means to be aware. Joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware.

It's funny how sometimes you want something so bad, and you work and work at it but nobody understands how much suffering went into accomplishing your goal.
Other times, you work and work, and people understand because your hands look like this.










I am increasing in strength so much lately. It seems really great- 65# thrusters. Full unassisted pull ups. Back up to a 35# kettlebettle swing since my accident. (when I first started back I used 15#'s!)
I think the paleo diet for the past three months has helped too. I've only had a few cheat meals and what they saying about having friends with the same goals is so spot on. I am looking forward to my body fat text in a few weeks and see how that ended up. I am not where I want to end up but certainly I'm not where I started either. In lots of ways.
Dela.
-CFPC

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

The first step towards getting somewhere.. is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are...

I'm exhausted!!! I've been working out most days, haven't had a cheat on paleo in God knows how long and my body is tired. I forget sometimes how important rest is in this whole combination of things.

So- lots of improvements since last time I posted. Doing pull ups unassisted now, going up on my weights in lots of areas and feel a general sense of balance lately. I've added some protein drinks after my workouts and more fish oil daily. I'm going to start adding some other supplements at some other CrossFit friends suggestions and see how that feels.

So, on way and upward and feeling happy. Totally getting stronger and down about 7 pounds since the challenge started.

Life is good!
-CFC ..... Who is becoming CFPC (CrossFit Paleo Chick) as it turns out.


- Posted using BlogPress for iPad.

Don't wish it was easier... wish you were better.

I used to think that life was hills and valleys - you go through a dark time, then you go to the mountaintop, back and forth. I don't believe that anymore. Rather than life being hills and valleys, I believe that it's kind of like two rails on a railroad track, and at all times you have something good and something bad in your life. No matter how good things are in your life, there is always something bad that needs to be worked on. And no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good you can thank God for. You can focus on your purposes, or you can focus on your problems. If you focus on your problems, you're going into self-centeredness,’ which is my problem, my issues, my pain.' But one of the easiest ways to get rid of pain is to get your focus off yourself and onto God and others.
You have to learn to deal with both the good and the bad of life. We need to ask ourselves: Am I going to live for possessions? Popularity? Am I going to be driven by pressures? Guilt? Bitterness? Materialism? Or am I going to be driven by God's purposes (for my life)? When I get up in the morning, I sit on the side of my bed and say, God, if I don't get anything else done today, I want to know You more and love You better. God didn't put me on earth just to fulfill a to-do list. He's more interested in what I am than what I do. That's why we're called human beings, not human doings.

I felt like this was important to share. I have been working so hard on my inside and this blog focuses so much on my outside. I have let so much go- guilt, bitterness, anger. I feel like if you met me a year ago and you met me today, you would not know I am the same person. It is better. I am Becoming Betsy.
-CFC

Train like common men and you'll get common results; Train like a warrior and you'll become one.

I've been having more fun doing crossfit now than ever.  Things are going great- I can tell I'm getting stronger and recovering from my car accident.  I feel like I'm mentally getting stronger- not as afraid to push myself and also not afraid to speak up if I feel like the weight it too much for my neck. I still have trouble carrying a heavy purse, if you can believe that, and so I have to be sure to keep it light when the pressure is right on my neck.
Paleo is going great- I have gotten into a grove and the few times I've had bread/cheat food, I didn't even really like the taste of it that much.  Cheese dip is good, but I don't even really crave it much.  It's kind of strange.  Doing the challenge this long is smarter than the 30 day crack down I did last year.  So much time allows me to learn more and try different things.  Its definitely more of a way of life now than just a 30 day crash and burn.
I'm working on myself inside too- joined a small group at church and am really doing the hard work looking at myself.  I know, moving forward who I want to be, and I know it will take me some work to get there.  All our life experiences make us who we are, and unfortunately the experiences aren't always positive.  I think the tragedy to that, is never using those experiences to make yourself better. I've had friends who I watched go through things and never try to understand or grow,  just blamed all their issues on someone else.   I don't want to live another 10 years and find my life so empty and full of hate/unrest. Look at your friends, look at your future... and I knew I had to make some changes.  I am surrounded with such amazing people right now, I feel extremely lucky and really strong right now- maybe stronger than I've felt in years!
Life is good and I'm excited for what's to come.  I know there will be ups and downs, but I am learning how to do better and be better.  I'm so grateful for God's place in my life right now.  I can do so much more when I know I am not alone in my challenges.

"I believe everything happens for a reason! People change so you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so that you will eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes, good things fall apart, so better things can fall together." - -- Marilyn Monroe

-CFC

When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.

Cooking up the soon to be ice cream!

Crazy couple of weeks!   I was really sticking to my paleo diet but wasn't really losing- the first week I lost just a few pounds and then stalled. It was odd for me because last time I did the paleo challenge I lost a LOT of weight.  I reassessed and lowered my fruit intake - no dried fruit at all now and no more smoothies. I think the almond milk and frozen fruit/coconut was too many calories.  since making those changes, I have started to see some changes and think I'm back to losing now.  I've found a whole community on twitter of paleo eaters who share ideas and support and that's been really fun. 

I have made some yummy things that allow me to 'cheat' while still staying paleo.  Paleo candy bars rock- with some coconut oil, raw honey, ground up almonds, unsweetened coconut and cocoa powder - it's a good treat at the end of the week.
I've made some paleo ice cream as well- made with lite coconut milk.  It was good but not good to save in the freezer - it has an odd consistency that doesn't save well.  All great things that are helping me stay on plan.
I've been working on a vision board- finding things that represent how I want to look or feel or focus on.  I would like a butt like this:  but I also realize I'm not a super model so trying to get my best butt. :)

I had a hair make over too... does it seem more paleo?  I think so. :)

Here are a few of the yummy things I made for dinner... paleo is actually easier than take out most nights!

And... the new No Excuses T-shirts.  I love!

Over and out....
-CFC