..that was the day she made herself the promise to live more from intention and less from habit.

I went to Crossfit last week and hurt my shoulder again.  The thing about it is, I didn't injure it. It just hurt like hell and I ended up back on pain killers for two days.  'Engaging my shoulders' - even if I'm just holding a PVC pipe above my head- is too much. Doing back squats with a PVC pipe on by back instead of a bar = bad idea.  I can't 'hold' the bar in place.  It's still too much and for days following I am a achy mess.   And then I have to wait a week and start over again.

 I'm getting a little too good at making a comeback.  In fact, I'm tired of making a come back.  There is this thing about my life where I do really great if I have to super focus on something.  That something always does amazing and everything just stays mediocre.  I 'get' that everything can't be outstanding all the time, but I'd like things to be more consistent over all.  I want less up and down and more steady.  I've experienced 'steady' now in my life over this past year and I really like it!  It's good and warm and I'm not nervous.  Let's do more of that in other areas, I've decided.

So what does that mean?

Well... I think I want to do great in my job, which I love.  And I think I can do that while staying a great mother and a good partner to Craig.  I think I can be steady at being in shape but I'm okay putting those other things way first. I think putting my daughters fitness and balance is more important to me right now than seeing my abs are.   I think life is more of a marathon and I've exhausted myself doing sprints over and over again.

You know how at church they talk about resting on Sunday.  Taking that day off. Chikfila is closed on Sunday and they say it makes for better business the other days.  Better even than if they were open on Sundays.  They can work less days and do better.  I am thinking like that.

Can I be balanced and be more steady.  It's not a '30 day lock down' where all I do is work out and eat right.  It's more like a year where I eat better and focus on Olivia and consistently work out and do fun things with my friends and enjoy success at my job and at night, maybe I'm okay kicking back and not constantly being busy and doing a million projects.  Maybe I'm okay slowing down.  Maybe I'm on to something.

Have I been chasing something all this time or running away from something else? What would happen if I just slowed down?

I'd like a balanced life.

I'd like to allow myself to rest.  And I don't want to worry so much about getting older, which I find I often do.  I have to remind myself it's a privilege denied to many.

Balance.  Maybe I'll try yoga.   :)
-CFPC